Monday, October 9, 2017

Unbroken Vows

I've read hundreds of articles written, giving sort of advice, tips and secrets to maintain a long-lasting relationship. Some may be of big help, others still depend on one's point of view.

After all, every relationship has its own unique ways to withstand all the storms that may come along and be stronger than ever.

My husband and I have been married for five years as of now. We were on our 7th year of being in a stable boyfriend-girlfriend stage when we finally decided to tie the knot. That totals 12 years of being together and still counting, maybe one of the reasons why a lot of our friends would say that our kind of bond is the one that they've always  dreamed of: strong and unbreakable.

Here's my own take on how to build a long-lasting relationship that are purely based on our experiences as husband and wife. Hope it helps:

Accept Differences.

Let's all face it. A "Perfect Match" doesn't really exist.

One of the major lessons that marriage has taught me was to never assume that my partner thinks, acts, feels and decides exactly the same way I do. Our differences can be as simple as him  choosing a bowl of mashed potato, over me preferring a big plate of rice for our meal, or as complicated as having totally different political and religious views and beliefs. Our dissemblance never affected our connections in any way.

Relationship for us, involves respect, openness and acceptance on both parties.

Welcome Changes.

Easier said than done, maybe, but there are a lot of things that a couple could not resist the moment they enter into a relationship, especially after they built their own family. I once thought that my husband's sweetness and care towards me was slowly fading because unlike before when he used to fetch me everyday from my work place, it minimized to three times a week. Petty as it may seem, but I admit I just mistakenly viewed ourselves as "nothing will change" and everything will be the same no matter what, maybe that's why I became very emotional that time.

I used to work as a Restaurant Manager back then and he, a freelance Web Developer. After series of fights and explanations, I realized that he too, needed some rest. I forgot that as a home-based employee, he tries his best to stretch his whole day working for our financial needs, at the same time taking care of our 4-year old daughter, but still manages to save time for me. My bad, I should've shown appreciation of how my husband dealt with the changes positively instead of complaining.

Things may be differently running than before, but that doesn't mean his love for me has lessened. Adjustment is the key, and I eventually learned it.

Press the "PAUSE" Button.

Reality bites. There would be times that without any valid reason at all, we get easily irritated by our partner's words or gestures (especially us, girls, when we're on our periods LOL!) and we'd feel we'd just want to explode and nag the whole day. Oops.. I'm guilty! Practice this: Breathe in, Breathe Out! Pause and think twice, even thrice if needed. Is it worth the fight? Am I just being too sensitive? Will I be making a mountain out of small hills?

Being calm and relaxed paves the way to a healthier and smoother conversations. So next time you'd like to react, make sure to press that PAUSE button first!

Extra-Long Lasting Love and Care Tip:

I personally take care of our laundry. I'm happy seeing my husband and daughter wearing fresh-smelling clothes everyday and they are constantly saying they really love their clothes' scent. My secret? It's Del Forever Joy and Love Fabric Conditioner, who has 15x longer lasting bangoooo than a regular detergent brand! My husband and daughter even say that the long-lasting fresh smell of their clothes remind them of my undying love.. so sweet! No wonder why well-known couple Team Kramer trusts Del in taking care of their clothes! Try these too and be amazed!

Communicate Effectively and Sincerely.

One of the most effective ways of building a strong and long lasting relationship that I can personally share is sincere and proper communication.

My husband and I love talking to each other. It doesn't matter how many times we've discussed about an interesting issue, as long as we're enjoying our topic, we talk.

We talk about our dreams. We talk about our plans for our future and for our family. We talk about our likes and dislikes. We talk about the latest movies and our favorite food hubs. We literally talk about anything and everything under the sun and that's how we sweetly end our days.

It may sound weird and exaggerated for others, but it wonderfully works for us!

Overcome Your Pride.

In almost all kinds of relationship, be it a friendly or an intimate one, I could certify that PRIDE is the perfect ingredient for a disaster. Pride makes one self-conscious, making a partner think that he or she is better than the other. Always remember that for a relationship to grow, the idea of who "wins" in an argument must be dumped off. It is not you versus your partner. It is how much you love and respect each other that you are willing to set your pride aside and fight your problems together. In fact, saying "Sorry" has never been a problem for both of us ever since.

Allow Time and Space.

Have you ever heard the "24-Hour Rule"? Some may not entertain this idea but surprisingly, it works for us. It's not just once nor twice I heard my elders saying,"Don't go to bed angry, because you never know what tomorrow may bring." A lot of couple maybe practicing such, but in our case, it's different.

In not so many times that my husband and I go through intense fights and we both feel we are not ready yet to cool down and reconcile, we prefer to provide each other some time and space, for at least 24 hours. Forcing ourselves to talk while the issue's still hot could just trigger a volcanic eruption. For all we know, it is not that easy to unsay what's been said, nor undo what's been done, and we don't want to make moves that we'd regret forever.

Giving ourselves enough time and space is a tool for us to look back and think about our own shortcomings, and the next day that we're both calmed down, we'll deal with it in a more peaceful manner.

Disconnect to Connect.

In this so-called Millennial Generation where Internet plays a big role in the society, inappropriate use of social media, for us, could have a great impact in a relationship's stability.

My husband and I are one of those who are on the other side of the spectrum, who choose not to post everything on social media, especially when we are going through our "not-so-good" days. Both of us believe that when one is emotionally upset, perception of things changes. I may misread situations and perceive him as being critical of me, or the other way around. I may be tempted to post every little thing happening to us to gain other's sympathy and vice versa.

Unnecessary and irresponsible posting to our social media accounts would probably give other people the opportunity  to judge and misjudge our relationship before we could solve our own problems. Don't get me wrong, it is still okay to heed advice from your friends and relatives but I guess it would be much better if it's done personally. We disconnect to connect, because we value our relationship's privacy.

Even the most famous and successful relationships out there may go through series of trials and that is perfectly normal. Problems may come and go but one thing is for sure: we will do everything to fulfill our wedding vows.

We will cherish each other until we breathe our last, not because we have to, but because we want to, and we'd forever love to. ♥

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